By the Way, You're Living a Lie

     Something that was on my list of 25 before 25 was finally telling my mother about her life secret. What is her life secret? Let me explain:

     My mom writes to me all the time. The last letter she sent was accompanied with a care package- some socks, gloves, crayons, a bandanna and, as always, some little religious knickknack or pamphlet. The letter was written in a birthday card and contained the typical truisms that I have come to know my mother for. I read the letter rather quickly as I usually do, but something caught my eye:

"I was in the hospital last Wednesday! I'm fine now though so don't worry. I couldn't get off my mat at the shelter in the morning, so I told security to call the ambulance. I was on a hospital bed for over 3 hours while they checked me out. I had/have vertigo/dizziness from low sound low frequency devices that those people do to me in the shelter..."

My mother? In the hospital? Well, this has gone on long enough!

     I've known for a long time what is wrong with my mom. It's why I've pursued my undergraduate (and hopefully graduate) career in psychology. I figured the best way to get my mom and others like her the help she needs is to understand it the best I can.

     If you've ever known someone or dealt with someone who has a mental illness and is unaware of it, you're quite familiar with the difficulties that come with trying to get them help. It's impossible. To get help, they must learn to help themselves- unless they're coming after you with a knife. Despite the stereotype, violence is not one of the typical effects of many mental illnesses, including schizophrenia.

     I'll admit it- I'm terrified of being the one who has to tell her. I almost did once, but the word 'Schizophrenia' couldn't pass my lips.

 How do you tell someone that their concept of the world around them is a lie?   
     I suppose this trip to the hospital presented an opportune time for me to present the issue to her. It provided me with something concrete. Her inability to get up may have had to do with dizziness and issues with vertigo, but it surely wasn't sound frequency that caused it.  It was more than likely an ear infection caused by a bacterial build-up from her having tissues stuffed in her ears all day. That would explain why she has to take 'vertigo/dizziness' pills for ten days- antibiotics.

     Unfortunately, part of the disease is not knowing you have it. And, unfortunately, mental illness to this day has such a negative stigma attached to it. It was less than 100 years ago that we were still calling mental health places asylums for lunatics, locking up mentally ill in cold cement rooms for days at a time naked and often without a blanket. Once the poor treatment of the mentally ill was discovered instead of implementing reform, we deinstitutionalized the system and dumped thousands on the streets.

    

     So I wrote this letter. Sent her own little care package for her birthday- a WalMart gift card and some proper ear plugs.

     Fifteen years is long enough! It's about time somebody has the courage to step up and give her the decency of at least the opportunity to know the truth. I know I have done the right thing. I just don't know what's going to happen next. But that's done- I've told her. I've wanted to do that for years.

     I love you, Mom. Please don't disown me.


Do you know somebody with a mental illness?
Have you ever had to confront somebody about something they were going through?

One Step Closer

 Complete: Drop #46- Get in to Graduate School

    Something that is both on my life list and 25 before 25 was getting in to graduate school. All this undergraduate nonsense has been chipped at with that goal for my education in mind.  

     I didn't apply to as many graduate programs as I should of. For whatever reason, I may have underestimated myself. I didn't even bother applying to PhD programs in clinical psychology. The acceptance rate is something like 10 out of 400 applicants. Although my chances were slim, I should have applied. The only program I did apply to that I actually wanted to attend was a PsyD program in Boston.

     A few weeks back, I was accepted for an interview. I felt the whole process went very well, but not much is worse than disappointment caused by overconfidence. I actually had a dream that I didn't get in, which resulted in some bad behaviour on my part. But hey- that was just a dream. Because I got in!

     So there ya go! I have been accepted in to graduate school!

     Now the challenge is to figure out how I am going to manage going to graduate school full time while having a three month old baby. Hopefully they are flexible enough to work a schedule that works for both me and the hubby.

     In other words, although I am thrilled to have been accepted, getting in was only half the battle!

Have you ever regretted a decision you made about your education?

How has your education made a difference in your life today?

Surprising a Stranger

    One of the goals on my list of 25 by 25 was to randomly buy something off of somebody's baby registry. I thought it was important for whoever to receive it have met three simple criteria:

1. The baby was due within a month
2. The mother was the only person on the registry 
3. A few items had to have been purchased already so that I knew that it was an active list.

     Believe it or not, finding someone who I felt satisfied that criteria was harder than I thought! After reviewing a few registries, I found someone who fit the bill.

Congratulations Patricia from Brooklyn Center, Minnesota! 



The Item:

Infantino Swift Classic Carrier 

     According to her registry, Patricia is due at the end of March. That's right around the corner!

     I included a little message about who I was and why I chose her, congratulated her on the little one, and added a link back to my site so that she can verify I am not a creepy stalker.

Mission Complete!

Have you ever done something nice for someone you've never met?
What would you do if you received a gift from a stranger?

Steph's Steps to Making Banh Beo

Complete: Drop #51- Make Bánh Bèo

Bánh Bèo

     I first encountered this deliciousness about a year ago at a Cambodian/Vietnamese fast food joint in Lowell, MA. I absolutely loved it! Since then I've made it my mission to add this to the growing list of Vietnamese meals I can cook.

     I've been known to tweak some things here and there.   (I do this with American recipes too.) I don't mean to insult- I respect those who use traditional methods of cooking Vietnamese foods. But there are many different ways of making things, and if the result is an improvement on the original, why not? If my husband sees me making a meal differently than what he's used to seeing, he'll insist it'll come out horrible! But when he doesn't see how I made something and just tastes it, he almost always loves it.

Ingredients:

Ingredients for Bánh Bèo 

• 12 oz Package Bánh Bèo Mix
• 4 Cups Warm Water
• Fried Shallots
• 1/2 Lb Fresh Shrimp
• 9 Tbsp Dried Shrimp
• 1 Bunch Scallions
• 1 Small Onion
• 1 Clove Garlic

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Directions:

Step 1: Prepare the Batter
     Empty package in a bowl, mix in the four cups warm water until smooth and not lumpy. The batter will be very loose and watery. Let sit for about 25-30 minutes.

Step 2: Prepare Toppings
     In the meantime, prepare your shrimp toppings. There are two. The first one is made from the fresh shrimp, and the second one is made from the dried shrimp.

Bring a pan of water to a boil. Toss your fresh shrimp in to the water and then quickly remove them. Set them aside. Dump the hot water in to a bowl and throw your dried shrimp in there. Put this bowl aside for about 20 minutes.

Making "Cotton Shrimp"

Dry crushed shrimp in the wok

     This is probably my favorite part of Bánh Bèo . Peel your fresh shrimp- (don't worry if they are still fairly raw.) Dry them with a paper towel. Heat up your wok or another nonstick pan on medium-low heat. Crush the shrimp with the flat end of a butcher knife or another large knife, and then add the shrimp to the wok. The purpose here is not to cook the shrimp, but to dry them out.

"Cotton Shrimp" should be fine and dried out in texture. The brown bits

here are pieces that stuck on the bottom and fried a bit. I kept them.

      Once shrimp are fairly dry, put in to mortar and crush. Return to the pan, dry, crush, return to pan, dry, crush until the shrimp is a fine, 'cottony' texture. Set aside.

Making Crushed Shrimp

Ground dried shrimp

     After the dried shrimp have plumped a little (approx. 20 mins) separate the water from the shrimp. SAVE THE WATER! Place the shrimp on a paper towel, squeeze out the excess water, and chop in to little pieces. Squeeze out any extra water again, and chop. The consistency should be almost dusty. Use a blender/food processor if you have one. Set aside.

Making Scallion Topping

     Thinly chop the scallion, onion, and garlic. Saute quickly in an oil-coated pan. The goal here is just to release the flavors. Set aside.

Step 3: Make Bánh Bèo Cakes 

My ghetto Bánh bèo steaming contraption 

     If you're efficient, the above should hopefully take you no more than 30 minutes.

     Now all you have to do is make the cakes! You can use little shallow bowls, or you can run to your local Asian market and pick up some pans. I only had one pan so this step took me a very long time, but if you want to work quicker you can buy multiples. My pan was also too big for my pots, so I had to steam them in my wok. Minor setbacks.

     Whatever container you're using, make sure to coat it with oil so the batter doesn't stick. put water in your pan and bring it to a boil. Add the mixture so that it is about 2/3 of the way full. Make sure to cover your pan while it steams. Steam the cakes for about 5 minutes, remove them, and then repeat until your batter is gone.


Step 4: Fish Sauce/Dipping Sauce
     This recipe is no good if you don't make the accompanying dipping sauce. I made the sauce for this nearly identically to how I make my regular fish sauce, except I replaced the water with the reserved liquid:

Fish Sauce:

• Reserved Shrimp Water
• 1 Lime
• 2 Cloves Garlic (grated)
• 1 Serrano Pepper (sliced in rings)
• 6 Tbsp Sugar
• Fish Sauce

Put your reserved shrimp liquid in a pan along with the juice from a lime, your sugar, the garlic and the Serrano pepper. Heat until sugar has melted. Add the fish sauce to taste, then set aside.

Step 5: Dressing the Bánh Bèo

Final Product!

     Lay the little steamed cakes. Layer with cotton shrimp, chopped dried shrimp, scallion topping, and fried shallots. Before eating, drizzle the dipping sauce over the top.

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Bánh Bèo

     These were absolutely delicious- better than the ones that we picked up in Lowell. Like many Vietnamese recipes the grunt of making these came with the prep work, but overall the dish itself was very easy to make!

Steph's Steps to Getting Your White Sneakers White Again!

     Cleaning my sneakers was something that I had to put on "25 Before 25."

My Adidas- Before Cleaning

     I've had my Adidas for about six years now, and I am ashamed to say that I've never cleaned them.

     

It looked like my cat peed all over them!






     I've never been the most fashion-savvy person, so I simply didn't care. It's not like they smelt bad, and they were still fully functional. Considering they're about six years old, they barely have any wear and tear.

     Me wearing my beloved Adidas embarrassed the hell out of my husband. His whites must always be white. So, after wearing them yellow and submitting him to embarrassment for several years (and getting sick of hearing him complain) I decided the only way I would actually get around to cleaning them up is if I had an incentive to do so. Hence, I put it on my list.

     It was much easier than I thought! And, I was able to do it mostly with everyday things you already have in your house. So, without further ado...

The Guide to Making Dirty, Nasty Sneakers White Again!

This is all you need!

What you'll Need:

1. Toothbrush
2. Dish Towel or Soft Cloth
3. Bowl of Hot Water and Dish Detergent
4. Fresh Hot Water
5. Hydrogen Peroxide
6. Magic-Erase
7. New Shoelaces

Make sure that you are working on a protected surface. I have a glass table that I put an old towel on top of.

STEP 1     Remove and Discard Your Old Shoelaces. Especially if they're old, nasty, and lost the rounded tips on the ends like mine. You can waste the time trying to clean them, or you can pick up a brand new pair at Wal-Mart for approximately $2.

STEP 2
     Prep Your Shoes for Scrubbing. Get rid of all the surface dirt. Dip your cloth in the fresh water and give your shoes a thorough wipe down both on the inside and the outside. Don't forget the soles. The sneaker should be dampened, not soaked.

STEP 3
     SCRUB! Use a toothbrush with either medium or hard bristles. It can be used or, again, you can pick up a new toothbrush for around a buck. Scrub with the hot, soapy water both the inside and the outside of the shoe, but pay closer attention to the inside on this step. This is the only treatment the inside will get. Try to get off a majority of the dirt on the exterior as well including the rubber and soles. If the soles aren't coming as clean as the material, don't fret. there's a special step for cleaning soles later. When you're done scrubbing, wipe down the shoes with your cloth.

STEP 4
     Hydrogen Peroxide the Exterior. I love hydrogen peroxide. Maybe I'm weird. Maybe it's the bubbles. Whatever it is, this seems to remove almost all the dirt that the soapy water couldn't get off. Pour some in a little bowl and brush it in to the material with your handy-dandy toothbrush. The dirt should lift fairly easily. Work it on the soles and the rubber part of the shoe. At this point, the soles may still be a bit dirty, but your material should be fairly clean.

STEP 5
     Magic Erase! They're not just for use in the bathroom anymore! And let me say, I was pretty impressed with how well they lifted dirt off the rubber of the sneaker. Use the eraser on areas on the material that didn't quite lift, but the main reason why we are using the magic erase is to clean up those soles! Most all dirt that didn't lift from the soles before will surely lift with the magic eraser.

STEP 6
     The Rinse Down. Give the shoes a fresh wipe down with your cloth. The goal here is not only to remove any extra dirt that might remain, but also to remove the chemicals that are on your sneaker. I didn't pay enough attention to this and the chemicals picked up some of the color off my jeans the next day.

     Let the shoes dry. If you're concerned that the shoes will lose their shape, stuff some paper towels inside. Once they're dry, lace 'em up!

My Adidas- After!

TA-DA!!! For the first time in six years, they are clean! I showed the Hubby and needless to say he was very happy.

It is worth noting that there are still a few marks on my shoes. That's where the white polish on the leather has worn off. It is also worth noting that there is still some yellowing on the rubber of my shoes. If you're interested in learning how to repair these parts of your shoes, keep reading. I have some extra steps for you!